Subject: Self-introduction of myself
Dear Prof Brad,
My name is Jayme from your effective communication class. I am
writing this letter to let you know more about myself. I am a year 1 student
currently studying Mechanical Engineering. Back in 2019, I graduated from
Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) with a diploma in Aeronautical and Aerospace Technology,
my interest in engineering grew when I was in year 3 doing my Final year
Project (FYP). I was given a task to fabricate a pump impeller for the school
with the use of a metal 3D printer. Throughout the 3-month period, I had fun
designing and running the machine. It has truly inspired me to further my
studies to become a mechanical design engineer.
One of the communication strengths that I hold would be the
ability to interact with my classmates well. Back in NYP, many group projects
were held with different classmates. I am able to communicate with them and
lead the project assignment despite only knowing them for only a few days.
However, my weakness would be that I am not able to prepare
and deliver effective presentations to a large group audience. I personally
dislike the feeling of many people staring at me when I’m presenting. I would
feel anxious and forget the content that I want to deliver, which results in me
stuttering.
Therefore, I aim to overcome my fear of presenting to a large
crowd by the end of this module.
Secondly, I hope that I will be able to upgrade my skills in
writing reports or reader response letters by incorporating critical thinking
skills. Back in secondary school, my teachers used to describe my letter writing
as boring and plain when compared with my peers. I hope that I can change that
after attending your class.
I think what makes me special would be my attitude in
studying. I’m not someone who can study and absorb information easily within a
lesson. Therefore, I put in hours of revision after class to make sure that I
can be on par with my classmates. I believe with this persevering attitude of
mine, I will be able to achieve my goals by the end of this module.
Best regards,
Jayme Lim
Edited on 25/01/22
Commented on:
David Ho
Quek Wei Hau
Chin Jin Han
Hi Jayme, I see you have covered all the points necessary with well-structured writing. For your strength, you wrote that you lead the assignments so maybe you could elaborate some leadership qualities you have that lead to it. Keep doing what you're doing and you will achieve what you've set out to do.
ReplyDeleteHi Jayme, the introduction for your experience and reason behind you pursuing a degree is very detailed! Good to see that one of your goal is to work on your weakness to make improvement. Your strengths is also what sets u aside from the rest, not many people are willing to take up leadership roles to lead the team when they first met. One improvement would be changing the opening address from "Prof Brad" to "Professor Blackstone" it would be more formal. Thanks for the work on the introduction letter!
ReplyDeleteHi Jayme, thank you for taking your time to write this letter. You have elaborated well on the key points. One such instance would be the task given to you for your final year project and how it has led you aim to become a mechanical design engineer. A small adjustment you could make would be to either capitalise all 3 starting letters for the words "Final Year Project" in paragraph 1 or leave them in small capital. Another possible improvement would be indicating that there are 2 aims you have for this module. An example of the change in paragraph 4 would be "Therefore, 1 of 2 aims I have for this module is to overcome my fear of presenting to a large crowd." Thank you for the effort you have put in writing this letter.
ReplyDeleteDear Jayme,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this clear, concise and detailed letter. You do a good job addressing the scope of the assignment. What's noteworthy is the specific examples you give to illustrate the points you cover as well as the honest self-reflection you show, both in terms of revealing the lack of confidence you have when presenting and in the way you share that your former teaches characterized your writing as 'plain and boring.' I'm happy to see that you haven't been fazed negatively and still have a positive, 'can do' attitude. (I think it is you who will have the last laugh since both in class and in this letter you demonstrate a very real willingness to persevere, contribute and to grow.)
At the same time, while your language use is fluent in this letter, there are a few areas to take note of for revision:
1. overuse of caps
-- currently studying Mechanical Engineering > ?
2. sentence structure
-- Back in 2019, I graduated from Nanyang Polytechnic (NYP) with a diploma in Aeronautical and Aerospace Technology, my interest in engineering grew when I was in year 3 doing my Final year Project (FYP). > (comma splice)
3. verb use
-- I am able to communicate with them and lead the project assignment despite only knowing them for only a few days. > (tense error) ?
I was able to communicate with them and lead the project assignment despite only knowing them for a few days.
4. word choice phrasing
-- reader response letters > (These are two different assignments; the reader response is not a letter.)
I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.
Cheers,
Brad